Thursday, February 11, 2016

Big news

Quite literally, I have some big news. The Professor and I are expecting our second child (a baby girl), due any week now. I'm 36 weeks along as of this writing so she can healthily come out any moment now (and if you're listening little baby, the sooner the better). This pregnancy, while much desired and hoped for, has been a bit of a challenge compared to my first one. I had crazy morning sickness when I was pregnant and it didn't dissipate until I was well into my second trimester. That means that for approximately four months, I was grossed out by the sight, smell or idea of many foods and then when I did eat, I had trouble keeping my food down. Once the morning sickness passed, I felt like a rock star. I walked a lot, ate a lot, worked a lot and generally felt pretty good. But now I'm in the final stretch and things are getting uncomfortable again. For one thing, I totally forgot what it's like to have such an enormous belly. The skin on my abdomen is stretched so tight I can see my veins and I constantly joke that my belly button is hanging on for dear life. In addition, I've got some pretty awful lower back pain that makes it difficult for me to stand, sit or lie down for long periods of time. When I do sit, I have to sit totally upright since the baby is camped out near my ribs thus making any sort of slouching (or what normal people call sitting comfortably) out of the question. Nighttime is also a challenge because of shortness of breath, frequent bathroom trips and some pretty wicked acid reflux. Ack! It's such a wondrous time but such a reality check simultaneously.

On the positive side, the one thing that I've really loved about this pregnancy is knowing that despite everything I'm going through, I'm going to love this baby so, so much. That's something that I knew when I was pregnant with my son but since he was my first child, I didn't quite grasp that idea in the same way. That powerful, heart-bursting love you feel for your children is something that I couldn't quite foresee when I was pregnant with Roman. Even his existence seemed like such an abstract thing until he was in my arms. And even then, the love I felt for him when he was first put on my chest still attached to me via umbilical chord, only grew and grew as I came to know him. A lot of people talk about this amazing, unconditional love you feel for your baby as soon as they are born, but I for one, didn't feel that. I loved him (of course!) but not the way I do now. As of now, he's been in my life for 3.5 years and it's impossible for me to imagine that I could love him any more than I do. It's also so difficult to believe that I have enough room in my heart to love another baby the way I love my son and yet this is the miracle of children and love. To me, the miracle is not how big your belly can grow to house, nurture and protect a little person inside you. It's how much your heart can grow to love something more than you love yourself and do it again and again.

I know this is a tremendously sappy post but if you can't get away with typing up something like this and getting choked up as you write it when you're 8.5 months pregnant, when can you? I'll be checking back in again soon to share some updates of life around here with my crazy, wonderful little boy. See you soon!


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